Thursday, January 29, 2009

Has anyone seen a pair of 4T Lightning McQueen boys underwear? I think the toilet ate them!

I had a pretty rough night last night. It really isn't anything new. Peter didn't get home until 3 am from the high school where he was trying to fix the computers. Jon spent a restless night in our bed next to the ever present Ethan. Then it was up by 6 am to start the day again.
Feeling sorry for yourself never works! You only come to realize that yes, the day can get worse.  Case in point, my day today.
Jonathon spent the day at home today. He had an upset stomach last night where his stomach contents took flight in my bedroom all over the carpet as he ran to my bathroom. At least that is the quick way of getting rid of a stomach ache. I just wish he had done it in the toilet, in the bathroom.
Jon's been home all day. We've done some homework. He's watched a movie. We gave up cable so there's no live television, just movies. He's bored. Jon has been trying unsuccessfully to get the Wii to work. No dice! It's as temperamental as a premenstrual girl. And yes, I am allowed to say that because I have one- a premenstrual girl that is. 
Things have been going fairly well today considering. Ethan got off to school. He wasn't falling asleep excessively during school (he's on new meds).  The babies got off to sleep; when both nap at the same time, I get some downtime to get chores done or catch a quick nap . My friend Jane Bradshaw stopped by for a visit. That's been the highlight of the day.
At 1:45 Ethan arrived home on the bus as usual. He saw his scooter as soon as he got off the bus and I let him play for a few minutes. Bella followed us out, too and then she decided to make a dooky on the neighbor's lawn. Ethan made a big deal out of it. Oooh gross! You know the drill. 
I ran inside to get a plastic bag. That's one thing those recyclable bags are great for- doggy doo! While I ran inside for the plastic bag, Ethan decided he needed to relieve himself IN THE NEIGHBOR'S BUSHES!!! This particular neighbor is not at all fond of me. While we were playing outside yesterday, she almost ran over Aeron, as he ran into the street while I was retrieving a ball we had been playing with. Accidents happen! Thankfully that accident was prevented. I apologized and felt bad. You can't please everybody all the time. I am a good mother, I promise.
Seeing Bella relieve herself on the neighbor's lawn must have helped motivate Ethan. So, no sooner had I helped Ethan adjust his pants and pick up Bella's dooky, Ethan went over into the other next door neighbor's rose bushes and pooped his pants. That's all fine and dandy. We play this little game everyday. 
Sometimes twice a day, Ethan poops his pants and I clean him up. I keep cleaning up after him with the hope that going #2 in the toilet will eventually click for him. Not yet. Maybe someday! I have consulted a behaviorist ( a specialist who works with kids to improve certain/any/all behaviors which may be of concern). She spoke at Ethan's school about shaping behavior. She says to keep trying.
I cleaned up Ethan. Took care of the underwear and it's contents. And we left the bathroom. I told Ethan, "Come on, let's go get your underwear." He didn't want to go. Instead, he wanted to be "helpful" and clean his underwear out, even though I had already done it. So, while I hunted for a clean pair of underwear, Ethan returned to the bathroom and flushed his underwear down the toilet!
Ethan has flushed other items down the toilet before, once it was a baby shrek doll (one of those vile triplet babies from Shrek 3). Peter had to remove the toilet from it's base to dislodge that particular item. But Ethan's never flushed an article of clothing before! I pray that it won't get caught. We can't afford a visit from Mike Diamond, the "smell good" plumber!! I don't care what the plumber smells like or if he has plumber's cleavage (plumber's cleavage means that you can see his butt crack, there's a commercial about it for those of you who don't live in So. Cal). We can't afford it. Please pray for our pipes. I truly hope that his underwear will not get lodged in the sewer lines somewhere!
So, now you know how my day is going. Am I allowed to say crappy? I really would like to use the other four letter word, but I will refrain! 
Someday, I will look back on this time of my life and smile. I will smile in relief because it will be over. I will be able to look back on parts of my life as funny. If I wasn't me, I might find this little rant amusing. But, I'm me, and I'm trying to live through it. 
I can imagine Peter's glee as he reads the text I sent him telling him how Ethan flushed his underpants down the toilet. Ethan kept going back into the bathroom. He thought the underwear would suddenly reappear back in the toilet. Nope! That's a one way trip with no return ticket! I'm beginning to see a little humor in the situation.

Note: I apologize if I have offended anyone by writing too graphically or speaking too frankly. I have a bizarre sense of humor which only gets more bizarre when I don't have very much sleep. The pictures above of the elephant is real. There really is an elephant toilet; it is located in Thailand. If you want to find it, click here and it will take you to the website. The first image is just a clever photoshop job someone did. My goal was to find some funny images to accompany my awfully funny story!

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