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Friday fun

Friday turned out to be a surprisingly good day. I got a chance to visit with a few friends. Kathy Bell came over and visited me in the morning. And then, Sara Smart came over and brought me lunch!

Can you believe it? I couldn't. It was a most unexpected surprise and a true delight. She called me up in the morning and asked if she could come over and bring lunch and her 2 sweet little girls Caroline and Gillian. It was the highlight of my week to have the opportunity to visit with another person over the age of 4 and who possessed more vocabulary than the words no and more ( I am exaggerating, of course, but I hear those words the most throughout my week).

Friday was a fun visit. Sara brought chicken salad sandwiches with craisins, beautiful dill pickles (which I don't eat because I'm picky- silly me), chips, sierra mist with a hint of cranberry in it (it was very good), and cupcakes and brownie bites. Sara brought all of her goodies in this very cute picnic basket. And she left the brownie bites for the kids which they have enjoyed.

But I was touched that someone went out of their way for me. It was great. We talked about jewelry and my chickens. I sent her home with almost a dozen eggs. The girls played a little outside and us moms got a chance to visit. The little girls enjoyed watching the chickens and petting them just a little.

I think the funniest part of the visit is when the chickens got out and attacked my last remaining garden patch. I planted broccoli, onions and bell peppers. My chickens know where to find the good stuff. They made a beeline for the broccoli and my lone little stalk of broccoli (smaller than the size of a quarter) is now no more. RIP dear broccoli plant. There seems to be no escaping those chickens.

You see the chickens had gotten out before and completely decimated the foliage on the broccoli plants and they haven't recovered since. I think at this point I need to just pull out everything except the onions and start all over. We laughed and he girls laughed as we chased them around. It was funny. Unless you are accustomed to handling chickens you are afraid to grab them. But, the chickens took advantage of our hesitance, and would run off or ruffle up their wings so we'd have difficulty capturing them.

Most of the time my chickens are pretty well-mannered. I am the source of all good things. On a daily basis I take out our table scraps and give them little extras. Recently we had a #10 can of 7 year old elbow macaronis from our food storage that did not fare well. It is inedible to us, but I cooked it right up for the chickens and they love it. Remnants of old oatmeal is also thrown their way or potato and carrot peelings. A lot of our unwanted food goes straight to the chickens. By the way, Saturday I got 6 eggs from them. Woohoo!!

I wandered away from my original topic. Back to Friday fun.

Friday evening at about 6 pm Robyn Lemelin called me up and invited us at the last minute to an Ontario Reign hockey game at the Citizens Business Bank Arena; they had 4 extra seats and since Peter was working at a football game, Steven, Aeron, and I went. It was fun. I think I mostly appreciated getting away from the same old 4 walls I see on a daily basis. Robyn and Bob had amazing seats I think we sat in the 3rd row. We had a great view of all the action. I brought my camera with me because Robyn had told me that her youngest son Zach would be skating on the ice at the end of the 2nd quarter. Happily, I got a few shots of him. That was an interesting undertaking. The action is so fast on the ice, a lot of the photos were blurry, much to my dismay and disappointment. I had the my programmed auto mode set to action but even with that, the shots of Zach on the ice didn't come out as nice as the other shots I took from my seat. Oh well. The art of photography is a learning process, obviously I have a long way to go.

To sum it up, the hockey game was a serendipitous surprise. A nice way to end a grueling week. It was fun for Steven to go and hang out with his friend. Robyn spoiled him and bought him a drink and candy and a mini hockey stick. Steven just ate it up. I truly appreciate Robyn's generous love for her friends and family. It is a wonder to see; she is an example to me. I have been blessed by her love and generosity as well. They are constantly doing good for those around them at home and in the community.

Kids say the darndest things!

Tonight I made baked mahi mahi fillets for my fish eating family. I don't eat fish. But, they all ate it and they liked it! There's only one caveat to that. Ethan. I used cream sherry and garlic infused olive oil. I used garlic pepper and put rosemary on top.

It turned out great. It smelled good, albeit not good enough for me to partake. I just don't like fish. I wish I liked fish. But it is a dish that is not delish - at least to me. That's it for my rhyming ability, I'll leave that talent to Peter.

The point to all this is that Ethan and Jonathon made some hilarious comments about the fish. I served Rice-a-roni broccoli au gratin rice with the fish and forgot the veggies on the stove - whoops! I served leftover spaghetti to Aeron and Ethan knowing they would not go for the fish. Ethan did have some rice which he liked.

To get to the point, Jonathon liked the fish and was trying to clear his plate of his serving of rice so he could have some spaghetti. I need to tell you that my son Jonathon has NO table manners. You would think from watching him eat he was raised by a pack of wolves. He chooses to ignore table manners and often uses his hands to shove food in his mouth.

What happens next is key. Jonathon had just finished shoving food in his mouth and I had just finished shaking my head in dismay at his table manners. I made a comment about it and no sooner had I finished saying it, I saw his hands in his plate picking up more food. Next Peter got in on the action and chastised him. This made Jonathon frustrated and he said, "Dad, I was just picking the grass off my plate." Jon had this stricken and offended look on his face as he said it. How dare we his parents put grass on his plate and expect him to eat it. It took me a minute to figure out he was referring to the rosemary I put on the fish for seasoning. It was hilarious.

Ethan then joined in on the conversation and pointed out to me that grass doesn't belong in our food. When he says fish he pronounces it more like "pitch." Ethan totally cracked me up. He was so serious as he said it as he pointed to the baking dish and then to me. Ethan is very expressive when he speaks and uses a lot of gestures. Gesturing is one of the ways he compensates for his speech difficulties. There have been many, many times that we couldn't understand him and it was only by his repeated gesturing and speaking (much to his frustration) that we were able to contextually figure out what he was saying.

So that's my little entry about the things children say. It may not be that funny to you but it sure was to me. It was shocking to some of my kidlets that I used a spice in their food that resembles grass. Someday some of my children will appreciate the effort it takes to cook... I don't know about Ethan, he may never come around and that's ok.

We are training them up well. They definitely will not have my seafood aversions. And, I am proud to report that they tolerate a wide range of foods and for the most part are not terribly picky eaters... except for Ethan. Teaching kids good eating habits is hard work and takes REPEATED attempts after REPEATED refusals. The key to it all is to keep trying!

I think that's a good motto for us all regardless of the situation: Keep Trying!!

Anus Award - for someone with his head lodged firmly way up his @$$!

Asshole Award - for someone with his head lodged firmly way up his @$$!, originally uploaded by bonniemomof5.

This award is for my neighbor. He turned his lawn sprinklers on Ethan, my autistic son this morning. What was his crime? He was on his grass. Was he doing anything? Nope. I came outside to retrieve Ethan and saw my son he was standing on the other neighbor's neighboring strip of grass looking in dismay at the sprinklers. He doesn't like getting wet unless it is jumping in the bath tub or the pool. His bike was stuck on the grass getting wet too. It set him off on another tangent. But, I braved the sprinklers and retrieved the bike. I was so angry I saw red!
I have already had run-ins with this neighbor. He gossips worse than a woman. He is a firefighter and has too much time on his hands. He is a busy body. He loves to spread gossip, taking things out of context all the while wearing the white hat because he is a fire fighter and a hero. He is an arrogant, cruel man for doing this to my son.
I don't care how much someone may or may not like me. But that should never translate into how you treat a child. You NEVER take it out on the kids- EVER! He crossed the line. I would love to take a swing at him. It's just cruel. He could have walked himself over to my house to tell me he didn't want my child on his grass. But, NO, he just turned on the sprinklers on him. It's plain mean and childish. So, here's my childish response to his childish act. I may or may not give it to him. But, it sure has been cathartic creating it and writing about it. It's also funny to look at as well. Hopefully you'll get a laugh from the picture.

At the end of my rope

I don't think I've felt this bad in a long time. The day started out with a terrible sinus headache and then I started crying. I put on my game face and got the kids ready for school. Then, after the kids left for school, but before Ethan leaves for school, I started crying again. In the shower I was crying. Basically, even now, I'm starting to well up. I don't think I have ever felt this out of control of my own life- EVER! I look around me and feel stymied. Everywhere, everything calls out for my attention. Children - 2 of which are not mine and are the most needy, housework, organization, the list goes on and on. And my mental state is not the most healthy right now. Add to that the fact that I'm still not feeling 100% and I'm tired - both due to illness and depression. It does not make a good mix. I guess I could reach out for help. But, everyone I know of has similar responsibilities or is busy with other obligations. And, I am not exactly a ray of sunshine to be around.

I don't think I've ever felt this stuck - like a prisoner in my own house, a prisoner of my own life. Do you know what HELL it is to go out with 4 children under 4? Yesterday I did it because I was desperate. I needed groceries from Sam's Club. The infant I watch who is almost 3 months old cried for the entire time we were out. She then cried for another hour after that. Just hearing the crying is enough to fray anyone's nerves. The baby had a tummy ache and needed to have a bowel movement. She was hurting and in pain. And then dealing with the other 3 on top of that.

Needless to say, it feels like same crap, different day. Everyday is filled with the same monotony. I am not enjoying this journey at all right now. Most of the day I am taking it one minute or hour at a time. I wish there was some service you could call and say, I quit and they could come fill in for you. I think the main one is called Child Protective Services and that could leave a blemish on my record.

Yes, I guess I am having a pity party. But, I am so fed up right now, words cannot begin to even express it. I wish I had super powers so that I could be like the Flash and get everything done around the house. I do feel like I have amazing super powers of patience. After all, my children are still alive and I haven't killed anyone yet- even Ethan who daily pushes me to the brink!

This morning, he pooped in his pull-up. Went upstairs to the kid's bathroom and took off his pull up and found some wet wipes and tried to start to clean himself up. Wet wipes cannot go down our toilets. They just get stuck and clog it up and then the toilet floods. I have VAST experience with this I am sad to say. So then Ethan came downstairs with the wet wipes and told me he needed help. I cleaned him up and then went upstairs to check out the damage. Bella our dog decided to join in on the fun. She likes to chew up diapers, especially the smelly kind. Eeeew! She grabbed a couple of the soiled wipes from the toilet and started chewing. I then got the garbage can and removed the wipes from the toilet, swatted the dog, and bathed Ethan.

I am happy to report that Ethan is now safely at school. He just left on the school bus. Can I just tell you that is the bright part of every day? I can rest easy knowing that for almost 4 hours he is safely in the hands of other adults. I don't have to worry about what is he doing.

Just this morning after cleaning up the poo mess, I got in the tub and bathed the kids. I decided to be extra nice to myself this morning and put shoes on, and do my hair. I contemplated applying makeup but then realized it was way too quiet. Just in the 10 minutes of my getting dressed, Ethan had brought a chair into the kitchen and gotten into the cupboard where I keep his "blue candies". Blue candies are the mini Nestle Crunch bars. I bought some the other day on the day after Halloween sale because I use them as bribes. He got the whole bag out of the cupboard and parked himself on the couch right next to Aeron where they indulged in the whole bag of candies. The bright point in all of this is that at least they shared with Madison who was in the high chair eating graham crackers.

So there you have it. An up close and personal, albeit a little too personal, peek into just a few hours of my life. Wanna come substitute? I thought not. This little slice of Heaven (ha ha) is called my life. Everyone tells me that it won't last forever, but I tend not to believe them. Days like I have been having seem to drag on forever. I look forward to 5:30 when the children I watch will go home. Then I can start a new set of responsibilities. After that I look forward to the time that I can go to bed. These little landmarks are the highlights of my day. Yes, I admit that it's not exactly the best attitude to have, but hey, I feel like I'm living a nightmare.

Oh, I also forgot to mention that the cable company cut off our internet service today. The Verizon people have yet to show up. You see when you get cable phone and internet and cable service, they physically cut the lines to your house. So right now we have no home phone. We are giving up anyway to cut down on our monthly costs. We have cancelled our cable service and our internet service through the cable company as well. We all have cell phones anyways. We will continue to have no cable service and we are switching to a DSL type of internet service in order to save money. So, right now I have no internet. The only way I am able to post this blog entry is because I am piggy backing on my neighbor's open network. He doesn't realize people can do just what I am doing and use his network. I am grateful for it none the less. I'm not completely cut off. Just- mostly.

No tricks... just treats!

This is what I created this morning. Earlier in the week I was asked to bring a baked goodie to school for the teachers as a way for parents to express appreciation for what they do. Since I am unable to help out in the classroom anymore and I choose not to participate in the PTA, this is one thing I can do at home with all the kids.

I originally got this idea from Your Home Based Mom. I love her photography, recipes and ideas. It's a great website for inspiring creativity.

Here's the recipe. She got it from the Joy of Baking website.

Vanilla Cupcakes

1/2 c. unsalted butter, at room temperature

2/3 c. white sugar

3 large eggs (preferably from my chickens :) )

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Zest of 1 lrg. lemon

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour

1/4 tsp. of salt (if you use salted butter, leave this out!)

1/4 c. milk

For the cupcakes: Preheat oven to 350 and spray the muffin liners with oil. Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time. Add the lemon zest and the vanilla. Then add the baking powder and the salt. With the mixer on low speed, alternately add the flour and the milk in three additions beginning and ending with the flour. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Evenly fill the muffin cups with the batter and bake for about 18-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into a cupcake comes out clean. Remove from the oven and place on a wire rack to cool. Once the cupcakes have completely cooled, frost with icing. If you want flat topped cupcakes, then slice off the dome of each cupcake with a sharp knife before frosting. If you want to pipe the frosting, use a large Wilton 1M closed star decorating tip.

Yield: 12 cupcakes

Buttercream Frosting

2 c. powdered sugar sifted (if you have the time)

1/2 c. butter

1 tsp. vanilla extract

2 Tbs. half and half or cream

Assorted food colors (if desired)

With a mixer, cream the butter until smooth and well blended. Add the vanilla extract. With the mixer on low speed, gradually beat in the sugar. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the milk and beat on high speed until the frost is light and fluffy (about 3-4 minutes) Add a little more milk or sugar if needed. Tint the frosting with desired food colors.

I really like how light and fluffy the frosting turned out. It was delicious and little red eagerly helped me lick a little from the spoon and clean up the leftovers from the bowl. I haven't heard how the teachers like the cupcakes, but I suspect they were good. Leigh Ann never posts a bad recipe.

Please... kick me while I'm down! Maybe it won't hurt as bad.

When it rains it pours! This is the sight that greets me now in my family room. These french door didn't even last 3 years!

About 33 months ago we replaced our old set of french doors for these new ones with the blinds built into the door. The thinking behind getting these is that I wouldn't have to clean the blinds and that the kids wouldn't destroy the blinds like they had done to all the other door coverings we had tried before. I was right with part one but obviously part two failed miserably. DRAT!

I reamed Steven for doing this. He kept pulling the blinds up and down and up and down several times. His whole thinking behind the destroyal of my blinds is that he wanted to attract Ethan's attention who was outside and trick him into coming inside. I had asked Steven to play with Ethan in the backyard on the trampoline, but he didn't want to do that. Steven's whole focus from the time that he got home yesterday was on playing video games. He will barely do the minimum to get the job done and then he immediately launches into requests to play Playstation 2. 11 year old boys are very single minded, I'm coming to realize.

We are having difficulty getting adjusted to living on less. I'm doing increased childcare to help supplement our income. It's makes for long days and even longer nights as I need to be on top of my housework and schedule to focus on meeting the children's needs.

Recently, I have come to realize that I am being taken advantage of. It hasn't been a fun realization, especially since I have been friends with the children's mother for over ten years now. We used to work together right after Peter and I moved here after we graduated from BYU.

I sat down with the mom yesterday to discuss our arrangements and came to the realization that I have been working under an incorrect assumption for over a year now. There is no loyalty, no consideration for our family or our friendship with this childcare arrangement. Obviously her needs are being met, but mine are barely being met. It is firmly based on the bottom line - money. Whoever comes in with the cheapest bid will watch her two small girls - 18 month old and an 9 week old. She doesn't want to contribute for anything she doesn't have to. What differing perspectives we both have when it comes to our children. After having grown up in several daycares and having heard what has gone on in some of them, I would rest better assurred knowing someone I knew and trusted was watching my children. That would be more important than strictly looking at the bottom line. But, hey, that's me maybe I'm just funny that way.

I get it. Finances and the economy have forced us to tighten up our belts. But, I am not going to continue to feel frustrated with our arrangement. She doesn't want to have any type of contract. She doesn't want to have to pay for the days her children are not watched, something I have agreed to up until now. And, they want to be able to pick up their kids up until 6 pm or after if need be all the while dropping their children off at 7 am every day.

We had a conversation about this yesterday. I don't like making demands. I don't like confrontations. I don't want to bankrupt anyone. I have always struggled with determining a fair price. I am not a business woman. I don't barter or dicker very well. I am up front and always consider the feelings and needs of others in my every action. I am generous to a fault and now I am realizing I may have been taken advantage of. It's not a nice realization and I feel hurt and betrayed and disappointed. I wouldn't just take care of anyone's child and treat them like they are my own. Well- actually I would because I genuinely love children.

In addition, she told me yesterday that she may be taking additional maternity time off and feels no compunction to pay me which would effectively leave my family high and dry. It was quite the wake up call. She reminded me several times that I am not licensed yet. I have the packet and need to send in a few things and get the ball rolling. My house complies with their regulations 90% of the way. Just a few changes are left to make. But, because I am not licensed, she feels that she shouldn't have to pay me a decent rate. I don't have any sick days. She has brought her sick kids here with no compunction for anyone's needs except her own. And she reminded me that most facilities are open until 6 p.m. So, as such we should just suck it up and deal with the crap that rolls downhill!

I have been feeling a little stressed out with my situation lately. I am home all day and all night with the kids with little or no opportunity to get out and visit. I am lonely. I rarely see or speak with any of my friends. I've been struggling with feeling out of control with my life as of late. All there are is the have to's which is a granted but there are very few and increasingly fewer get to's. There is no time for breaks. I'm on task and running balls out 100% of the time. It is a sure fire recipe for disaster and burn out and I'm starting to feel it's effects. I got sick this week, with no relief in sight. The day she came and dropped the kids off she noted how terrible I looked and I explained I was had a fever and had a case of the chills. All I merited from that conversation was that she hoped I felt better. They didn't show up to pick up the kids that day until 5:30 pm.

When we brought all this up to the mom yesterday she refused to budge on some of it. She reminded me repeatedly that I am not licensed and that if she went to another facility she could pick them up at 6 pm even. I have let her know that her daughter refuses to eat the food I'm serving and often feeds it to the dog, smears it all over hear head, or throws it on the floor. She feels she shouldn't have to contribute food for her daughter except for the newborn's milk. I'd be ok with it if her daughter wasn't so picky and physically shoves away 3/4's of my profers. I've started to let her go hungry after I offer 2 choices. I've let mom know of the situation. I refuse to feed an 18 month old tyrant chips, cookies and crackers all day every day. It is unhealthy and very costly.

So, here we sit. I am looking at my options. I am very much considering finding a night shift somewhere in order to avoid the cost of child care for my own kids. In some ways, I think it would be much preferable to my situation right now. I wouldn' t have to work almost 12 hours a day for $5.50 an hour at best! I could get out and be with other adults and have grown up conversations. It's obvious we need more income. This childcare situation isn't working. I don't mind getting licensed. There are quite a few hoops to jump through but right now the pay isn't working out that well. I also don't like having kids so late. My kids have soccer and scouts. I have doctor's appointments. We have needs. Most afternoons we have 8 kids here. My five and the 3 I watch. I think its time to shift directions!