Life inside the fishbowl

So much has happened in last 4 months since school started. My son Ethan has taken a turn for the worse. As of Tuesday, December 7th, I placed Ethan back in Loma Linda's Behavioral Medicine Center. We are at a breaking point. With no respite, I am at a loss as to what to do with him. My other children and I are the victims of his rages. Most telling, was an incident that occurred yesterday on my way from Inland Regional Center to the hospital, Ethan was punching my 3 year old as he screamed, "I said I'm sorry." He was angry because my son, Aeron,  told him he was naughty because he had hit him. Of course, this set him off. It's a cycle with no end. It's so sad and destructive. His need for help is beyond what I am capable of providing.

The reason I went to Regional Center was to get the paperwork to apply again for services. I met with 3 women employed there. I am completely disgusted with the Regional Center. Even though they are tasked with helping handicapped children, I understand their criteria, they are heartless. What happened, conveys an utter lack of human decency. I brought my two youngest, Ethan and Aeron (3) into the building with me. I figured I would cut out the mail carrier and pick up the paperwork in person. Plus I would have a face to face opportunity with the staff. While waiting for a representative from the intake dept., I took the boys to the bathroom. Ethan and I used the restroom. And when it came time to wash our hands, Ethan wanted to continue to play in the water, and had a meltdown. He ran out into the lobby and hid while the IRC representative watched. I was unable to have the most basic conversation with her. So, we went to some kind of room outfitted with toys to the side of lobby. Ethan continually tried to escape, and was screaming, kicking and yelling. I explained the situation to the staff member and she went to go get some of the paperwork to file an appeal. I also had with me a note our psychiatrist, Dr. Robert Gordon had written. The note attests to the fact that Ethan has autism, appealing directly to the fact that they strictly address DSM 299.1's definition of autism. When the staff member came back, once again, she brought with her one of the IRC's psychologists and the case manager who compiled Ethan's evaluation.  The case manager explained they have a very comprehensive report that solidly supports the fact that Ethan's problems are behavioral not the result of autism. She took a copy of Ethan's Dr. note, but stressed that their report was conclusive and little could be done to change their decision, even 1 Dr's opinion. They handed me the appeal packet placed in an evelope, and another two sheets of paper with "resources" for behavioral help. By this time, Ethan had kicked off his shoes and socks. He continued kicking and screaming. They tied together Ethan's shoes and tucked his socks in his shoes, and handed all this to me and escorted me to the door without even an offer of help to my car. I carried my son, kicking and screaming from the building over my shoulder, all the while he was beating my back with his fists. My littlest one followed me in the rear as I struggled, juggling all the items to the car. 


I am disgusted by their lack of human decency. I had no expectations, at least I try not to. But most professionals I have met with, when faced with my son having one of his outburts, at least offer an escort to the car. They made sure to escort me to the door, see that the lock engaged, and returned to their desks.

I went directly from IRC to Loma Linda. As I drove, I spoke with their intake rep. I was relieved to hear they had room for him. 

Monday was also an eventful day. Ethan had a noon appt. with our psychiatrist for a med check. From there we stopped in at a friend's flowershop. She and I used to attend the same support network when it used to meet at the CBC, where I met you. She gave me the info of another person who might help us in our efforts to get the district to help. She also had to hire the services of an attorney. When I finished up with her, it was time for Ethan's therapy appt. at 2:15 at Hope Inc., with Jamie Juarez. This therapist is a marvelous woman. She has helped us in so many ways. She gave us the $ for our consult with Valerie Vanaman. She referred us to our advocate, Sandra Marzullo. And, she is paying for a cleaning crew to come into our house on Friday. We had our 45 minute therapy session in which I filled her in on all the developments. And Ethan, after tiring of the toys in Jamie's office, decided it was time we move into the motor room. We had a few minutes to play. When it was time to leave, he went into a rage again. 

At that point, Jamie came back and asked what I wanted to do. I said I did not know. She offered to call the police, and have him taken in on a 5150 or they could just help me to the car. I haven't been all that impressed with the caliber of Loma Linda's help. The Dr. only served to  put Ethan on meds that made him more psychotic and then sent him home for us to deal with. When I later called with some follow ?'s. He doesn't return calls. Once you leave the hospital, you are done. You receive no more help or services. 

I asked Jamie to have her therapist and other staff member to help me get Ethan to the car. He refused to sit in the car. A struggle ensued in which he hit his head several times, once on the door as we left the motor room and a second time in the car as he struggled and refused to be seated. At that point, I was so tired by all this struggle, I consented to calling the police. I face these meltdowns 7-9 times daily. There is no respite, except when I go to work. And even with that, that is no respite. I am tired- physically and mentally. I am having troubles sleeping, as evidenced by the late hour I am finishing up this email. My house looks like it threw up on itself. To be honest, I don't want him back home. If we had help, I would want him home. But we don't and I am at my wit's end. We struggle in silence, I'm a prisoner in my own home. I am a prisoner to my son's rages and violence, as are my children. I'm basically suffering form PTSD. I"m done.

It took 2 men and my therapist to restrain Ethan. He kicked and screamed and acted like he was possessed of a demon. I sent my youngest back into the motor room to be supervised by a staff member. Ethan repeatedly knocked his head on the asphalt as a result of his flailing attempted to bite, kick and punch the staff, so we moved him to the front lawn to await the police. The police officer came. What a specimen of uselessness! He saw the situation, witnessed my son's violence and refused to take him in  on a 5150. Instead he elected to have the paramedics come and check out Ethan's head. It was fine, of course. The Fire Dept. came accompanying the ambulance. He was cleared by the paramedics. Of course, he was quite the spectacle. One of the firemen, felt the need to comment, that it appeared that my son lacked discipline. My husband, whom I had promptly called, had arrived. By this time, he had managed to calm Ethan down a bit. At this remark my husband calmly defended himself and then our therapist lit into the fireman. 

I had to leave for work by this time. You see, as soon as I realized the situation, I called Winco and let them know that my son was probably going to be taken in my police or ambulance to Loma Linda. The receptionist/office manager/mngmt person replied that even though this was a grave situation, I would still be given 3 points against my record if I missed my shift. I had been late twice prior to that. Each time it results in points against me. I had 4 points at that time. The first time I was late, was entirely my fault. I was ignorant and inexperienced with the posting of the schedule. ALL the other times I have been late have been a result of either a meeting in which it was decided that we would sue the school district or the latest occurence or Monday's episode. But, of course, yesterday I was 5 minutes late again, because of traffic and logistics. There is not enough of me to spread around. I had to drop off my 3 year old son at my friend, Tracee's house, travel the 30 minutes to Loma Linda, visit with Ethan, talk with the staff, and travel back and pick up my son, wait for my husband get home and speed to work. Monday, I lost it at work and ended up crying for 20 minutes as I talked with one of the shift leaders. I told her of our situation. She was horrified. But she was somone I could talk to, it helped a little. I have asked for leniency. I have explained that I want and need a job. My hope is that eventually I will be able to get benefits (which are available to employees who work a min. of 20 hours a week). But, there are only so many points you are allowed during your 6 month probation period. That's it. I may be fired.

So, yes, I decided to flee the scene and go to work. I was 10 minutes late, I had to wait for the fire dept's huge truck to leave. Of course they had to bring the biggest one. It is also the most difficult to navigate. I did show up for my shift. I left my husband to deal with the situation. The officer refused to take my son in to Loma Linda even though 3 witnesses attested to the seriousness and violence of the situation. Peter had adequately calmed Ethan. He took him home, a ticking time bomb which erupted the next day.

Tuesday I took him down and and admitted him myself. I don't know what to do. We don't qualify for services. I have talked with therapists and social workers at Loma Linda. I am asking them for an MRI. I still can't get my insurance to give me a referral for an MRI with sedation. I have a temporary respite from Ethan, with him at Loma Linda. But now I am fielding all the calls- calls from  the hospital therapists, nurses and insurance. The insurance will cover temporary residential care. But will not cover indefinite residential care. We have to wait 'til the first of the year for Valerie to file the suit. I agree and understand the insurance's point of view. I have become friends with the insurance case worker woman/therapist on the other end of the line as I have explained all our efforts. She wants to help, but there is only so much the insurance can do. She admire all that I have done and continue to do to help Ethan.

So, that's where I am. I get a little respite from Ethan while he is in the hospital. But that opens another can of worms. I can visit him once a day. And at that time I can get a report and a visual of how things are going. We have also asked the hospital to help us with his blood work. We want Ethan's blood karyotyped to see if he has Kleinfelter's syndrome (XXY) which would help explain his lack of executive functioning. The Dr. on staff, disagreed with my husband's request saying it was ethically questionable. Wouldn't it be a good idea to check and see? If Ethan does have this genetic condition, it would explain his difficulties. 

I am tired and frustrated and feel defeated. I feel like these obstacles are insurmountable. Every door I turn to for help is locked or shut in my face. Insurance won't deliver the MRI. The hospital, a poor bandage, is useless except for providing safe respite. But even that is questionable because of all the questions and forms to be filled out and answered. Because, of course, the first conclusion is of family dysfunction. Not of a true sickness in the child. I spend hours answering the same ?'s over and over again, with no results. In the end, the worker sympathizes with me and says they will "help." No help ends up coming. It's all words, no action.

Tomorrow my husband, who has taken the day off from work, and I will go see the county's school programs. They are ED programs. I have heard "great" things about them already. They will not help Ethan. They are based on the school model of instruction not a therapeutic model of instruction. Our therapist has gone to the schools we are to visit. She went to look at one of the students who wanted to be placed at her site. In addition to counseling services, she runs a NPS. She observed the kid and rejected him. My thoughts are that Ethan will only add more bad behaviors to his already lengthy repertoire of bad behaviors. Additionally, he will not have access to the daily therapy he so desperately needs. My husband only has so many sick days and then they will deduct from his salary. He cannot be home full time to mange Ethan.

Our lawyer Valerie Vanaman has instructed us to go see the school. We will. I have my checklist of requirements, as sent to me by our advocate. I'll forward them after sending this email. They are all backed up by educational code references. Of course, the school won't be able to provide all of them. 

Ethan will be released home again in a few days. And we will start the prison sentence all over. 

I can't tell you the # of times people tell me my son and our family is in their prayers. Please don't misunderstand me. I am a woman of faith. I know God lives and loves us. There is a plan in all this. I KNOW it.
But in my perspective, faith without works is DEAD! Prayers are great, but we NEED help. Prayers will help, but it is not an all encompassing bandaid. I am tired. I don't want my son back at home. He is abusing his siblings. I am being abused by him. It takes all my self control not to beat the tar out of him. Some days I have to sedate him just to get through the day. My life feels as close to what purgatory might be like. We have no quality of family life, except in that revolves around my son. I am doing him no favors by keeping him at home, placing no demands on him. I walk around on egg shells dreading the next meltdown. I can't educate him. We are in this cycle of destruction.

I am to the point that when Ethan melts down after he comes home, I am either going to bring him back to the hospital or call the police to take him back on a 5150.

I can't even begin to think of Christmas. What a joke! I don't want to put up a Christmas tree. I don't want to buy presents. All I see is a filthy house, a destructive, demanding child who requires 24/7 supervision with no help in sight. I told my husband the other night that I want to have the Grinch's Christmas tree this year. I would love to cancel it. Additionally, what pains me is that my other children need Christmas. They need that normality and deserve those healthy, typical experiences. So, I will dig down inside myself and find the energy to put all that stuff up. But, my heart is not in it. Just like it was not in Thanksgiving. I didn't want to cook dinner. All I saw was all the work required. Try to clean the house, buy the food, prepare the food, eat the food, clean up the food and work. Where's the joy? When do we have fun? When can we get some down time?

In all of this mess, a big blessing that came our way recently. An Orthodox Catholic Sunday school is adopting our family for Christmas. Two of my friends are members of their congregation. They will help with Christmas for the kids. And, our therapist, whom we owe hundred of dollars to, is paying for a cleaning crew to come in and help me Friday. These a two big blessings. It will help us a great deal. 

It may sound like I am having quite the pity party, I try not to. I am a strong individual. Lesser women would have already given up. I am trying to faithfully bear my burdens. I am trying to do my part. But, I am done. I don't want this burden anymore. When can I say enough without sounding and feeling like I am giving up and failing my child? That is my daily struggle, besides my struggles to maintain my grip on my own sanity. 

I am to the point of writing talk show hosts like Oprah Winfrey and Ellen Degeneres to plead for help. I don't know what else to do.

If you have any suggestions or know of any sources for help, feel free to comment and leave a message.

I Heart Faces - Hands On Photo Entry

Besides selling Pampered Chef products, making jewelry, cooking, sewing, and my carpentry class, I have taken an interest in photography. Recently, I even joined the community photography club!

I took the picture of Ethan (my autistic 4 year old terrorist) during one of his calm moments (he was asleep- that's the only time he is calm!). And since it features his hands in a unique perspective, I thought I would enter it into the contest. 

The day I took the picture he was obsessing about Halloween. He wanted it to be Halloween again! Ethan couldn't understand why we couldn't have Halloween again. When else can you go around house to house and they GIVE you chocolates? Halloween was a dream come true for him. 

So, he donned his trusty Iron Man costume (which is in tatters now) and found a Halloween treat bucket and sat at the table where I was working on one project or another. I didn't have any chocolate candy for him that day - he had eaten all the chocolate in the house, so I substituted Oreos instead. My standard bribe for him is chocolate. We probably spend more money than the average household on chocolate candies and chips. They are a staple in his finicky diet. 

So after much ado, here is the picture:

Sunday excitement? I'll pass!

I hope you had a good weekend. Friday night was great for me, I got to work (I sell Pampered Chef products now) and I got to make money and visit with friends! It was a lot of fun and a break from the kids. 

Saturday I was tired but it was a nice day of down time and relaxation. We rested, got a few chores down, had a delicious breakfast of pancakes made from whole grain buckwheat, and got gas. Our big treat for the weekend was dinner at Arby's. We had 3 buy one get one free coupons for sandwiches thus making it more affordable on our meager budget. Steven used one, Peter used one, and I used one. I'm sure the manager was less than happy with us, but hey- we weren't breaking the law. There were three separate customers for the transactions. And, we were better able to afford a dinner away from home for our rather large family of 7. It was nice. Everyone loved the Arby's curly fries. We had to go back and buy another order during dinner to satisfy everyone's desire for french fries. Ethan and Aeron stuck to the fries; they didn't care for the sandwiches. Their loss! They got cold cereal when they got home. Silly boys! 

Today, however, was not so great! Peter this morning had to attend to his responsibilities as Stake Sunday School President. He had to attend a ward conference at 9 AM this morning and then had to attend another meeting at 1 PM. He came home in between sessions to help me get the kids ready for church. 

It was all ok until our church started at 1 PM. That time is not ideal for our children, most especially for Ethan. We had our Sacrament meeting first. I didn't even make it 20 minutes in the chapel before I had to take the 2 youngest children out.  

Then, Ethan had a VIOLENT outburst and I left church in tears! It was time to go to the children's Bible study class during the 2nd hour. With much protestation, I got him in there. I asked him if he would be good, if he would listen, if he would be nice to his teacher. He said yes. I told him if he was good, I would give him chocolates when we got home. And, he could "play" with our chickens  (really he just tortures them, but in a non-harmful way). But once I turned around to leave and deal with a tantruming Aeron, Ethan got violent. He was knocking over chairs and tables, screaming, and I assume trying to hit the 2 other children in the class. 

I got angry! I don't often get mad, but I was angry. This type of violent outburst is absolutely not appropriate! I went in the room, got down on his level, grabbed a hold of him and told him what was what. I didn't hurt him, but I told him he was very naughty. I don't care who saw me, what they thought, how good or bad a mother they thought I am, but I wanted him to stop it. Of course, he couldn't stop. When he gets going like that, he has to wind down a bit and it can take a while. 

All the while I was in the room dealing with Ethan, Aeron was screaming and fighting to be freed, writhing in anger; he was screaming like a banshee. It was a shocking scene. It was horrific. People around me wanted to help, but there wasn't much they could do. Most people are afraid of hurting him, as if I would be upset with their offer of assistance. I wouldn't; sometimes Ethan HAS to be manhandled. We do it here at home. We aren't violent with him, but we have to be firm and sometimes we even have to restrain him.

So, I grabbed Ethan; if I had to, I was willing to drag him to the car. I got a hold of Aeron who immediately calmed down. I had a paper I needed to hand to our Primary President. I dispatched that duty with the help of a friend Amy Frandsen. And then I had to go back for Ethan. While holding on to Aeron, searching for paper, Ethan ran off. Thankfully, Brother O'Neal England was watching him; trying to corral him. Evidently, Ethan decided to stomp on his foot. Oh my gosh! So, Brother England picked him up and tried to calm him down. He was SO sweet. He was talking to him very calmly. He was trying to help. I was so grateful for his presence. I just wanted to beat him (something I have never done and did not do- though I was sorely temped!). Brother England said that he thought Ethan needed a hug. All the while, Brother England was talking to Ethan, Ethan was hitting him, struggling to get away. So, Brother England hugged him and then Ethan immediately hit him again. I thanked him for help and apologized for Ethan's crappy behavior. I got a hold of Ethan after Brother England put him down and walked past the shocked onlookers in the hallway. I know they felt bad for me. They just felt powerless to help and didn't know HOW to help. 

As I walked past them, they asked if I was all right. I wasn't all right. I started to break down, but I just kept walking down the hallway with tears streaming down my face. I got to the car, strapped the kids in and hit the road with the intention of going home. I had hoped I would find Peter at home. Peter was still in his meeting. Once home, I got a drink and a chocolate candy, this time for myself. I figured I had earned it. And, I got back in the car and headed back up to the church hoping to find Peter back at the church. He wasn't there. But, by the time I found a parking spot in the parking lot, Ethan had passed out and was asleep! Glory be!

So, I left Ethan asleep in the car, and took Aeron by hand and took him to the Nursery. This time, he willingly went in. Very quickly, he settled in and found a toy to play with. I left and headed back to the car to carry the sleeping Ethan to Relief Society. That's the meeting we have the third hour. I carefully set him on 2 chairs and sat down to enjoy the meeting.

I didn't get to sit very long, because when Peter arrived we had been requested to go in and speak with the Bishop. Once in there, he discussed some concerns he had about Ethan and I started crying again. 

Ethan has been having more of these violent outbursts lately. Twice on the bus, Friday he had one at school and the teacher had to restrain him. Ethan we hitting her, struggling to get free, and blowing his nose on her. Yuck! He's done that to me before when we had to go to the doctor. He had a full on tantrum in the doctor's office the WHOLE time I was there. I couldn't even stop to make an appointment. I dragged him out the door and downstairs to the car, where I went home with my tail between my legs. These episodes are extremely frustrating and extremely embarrassing. Often people look at him with horror. I have seen judgemental looks on the faces of some onlookers. I have also seen looks of compassion and understanding. Those kind souls help buoy me up and help me endure the Ethan's madness.

It's all very overwhelming and difficult to deal with my son. I am tired and I often feel beaten down with the cares of life. It's not as if he is the only child I have to deal with. There are 4 other children who need my attention and affection. We are struggling financially, but I cannot even think of going to work. With Ethan's volatility and unpredictability, who in their right mind would be willing to babysit him? And, it would be tremendously expensive. 

Ethan needs state services. He should qualify for disability. I need some help here at home and at school for him. He has progressively gotten worse during the last few months. And, I feel powerless to help him. I'm doing everything I can. And, sometimes I am just hanging on by my finger nails. There are times, I would LOVE to just drop him off somewhere and leave him there. But, I wouldn't; I couldn't. It does sound tempting, though, especially when he's in the middle of one of his outbursts.

So, with ALL that being said, as we were speaking to the Bishop, I just starting crying. Peter was looking at me with concern. The Bishop was certainly uncomfortable. I know he felt bad. But, with the floodgates released, I cried. We spoke at length about Ethan, about our homelife, about his schooling. 

I just feel very hopeless about the situation. I have been told several times, Ethan will NOT qualify for services. And, private services are horrendously expensive and they are NOT covered by our insurance. Testing is generally not covered by our insurance either. It is also horrendously expensive. I gave up babysitting in November for the sake of my mental health and because of Ethan's worsening condition. It was too much for me. So, with those funds being gone, we are struggling that much more. 

Really, money comes and money will go. It is just hard to have that one more concern when I am struggling mentally and physically on a daily basis with this kid. 

After our meeting in the Bishops office, I did not return to Relief Society. Peter took the still sleeping child to the car and I took my very red rimmed eyes home. Then, on the way home, Ethan starting yelling for a bean burrito. Wishing to end the harassment, I gave in. I went through the drive through at Del Taco and bought him his bean burrito. Yes, it was a moment of weakness. But, I've grown so tired of the yelling and the fighting. I just want it to END!

After church our good friend Maryanne Bingham came over. We had dinner of Cheddar Broccoli soup and Loaded Bake Potato Chowder, Salad, and homemade fresh out of the oven rolls. It was a most delicious dinner.

Then we at 7 pm, we had a meeting for Steven. In July he will be turning 12 and will be going to Young Men and will receive the priesthood. The meeting was about that. We left the other 3 kids under the care of Rebekkah and went to the meeting just Peter, Steven and I. By the time we left, Ethan was well on the way to going to sleep. I knew Jonathon would just play video games and that would just leave Rebekkah to care for Aeron- a very manageable task. 

I could hardly keep my eyes open during the meeting. I was tired. It was a lovely meeting. It was a very nice meeting for Steven. He enjoyed it. Peter and I each wrote him a letter telling him something we liked about him and how we hoped he would continue to make good choices in the future. Steven felt very appreciated. It was a good boost to his self-esteem and a period of time he will hopefully look back on with fondness. 

So, that's my day. It was a very exciting one. The Gale family's life is never lacking action or excitement. I often wish it was a little more calm, but hopefully, that will come with time. I can only hope!

Ethan in one of him "moods"

A few of my favorite things

6. Kidney Stones

5. Little boy's ties in dirty #2 toilet water

4. Urgent care at 8 pm on a Sunday in the winter

3. Tonsillitis and other contagious ailments

2. Doctor co-pays

1. Pharmacy co-pays

 

This last weekend was tough. Peter discovered his dreaded kidney stones have returned. Since the lithotripsy (ultrasonic breaking up of the stones) 4-5 years ago, he has gone on to reproduce more. :( Bad times!

And, Sunday night I ended up in the urgent care with Ethan. He has tonsillitis. 

To start this long story off, it all began Wednesday, when Peter, Bekkah and Ethan went to the same urgent I took Ethan to last night. At that time, Peter and Bekkah were diagnosed with tonsillitis. Ethan was deemed "healthy." 

This last week was a difficult one for Ethan. Thursday, Peter stayed home from school a second day recovering from feeling yucky. Well, around 1:50 PM the dispatcher for First Student Transportation called me saying we needed to go up and rescue bus driver Dana. Ethan had removed his seat belt and did his usual shlump to the floor, where he remained for 30 minutes while screaming, yelling, and crying. Oh what fun! When we arrived, he had dirt and snot and tears all over his face, shirt and hands.

Because of his poor behavior on the bus, I have been in frequent contact with Transportation. When they changed his morning bus driver a few weeks ago, he's been exhibiting increasingly poor behavior. One day, it took him 15 minutes to get him on the bus. Last Friday, Tracy his newest morning bus driver, kicked him off the bus because he wouldn't sit up on the bus and wouldn't settle down. 

I am very frustrated with Ethan's behavior. I am an unwillingly reinforcing his behavior by removing him from the bus. When he raises a ruckus, I HAVE to come remove him from the bus. Now, he knows that when he acts up, I will come get him. The problem is that I can't just leave him on the bus both for the safety of the other children and because the bus driver has other stops.

Friday I went so far as to follow the bus from the school on the route. He made it from Etiwanda Ave. & Banyan St. and Haven Ave. & Banyan St. He made it a total of 3.3 miles!  I hid behind cars in the parking lot and followed from about 1/2 mile distance. Unfortunately, farther up the road I found the bus with its hazards on right off of Haven Ave. Ethan's new afternoon bus driver Angelica was having problems with him. It was Angelica's first day on the route! Trying to work with Ethan's desires to be independent and still keep him restrained, they are using a buckle guard. A buckle guard is a square-like device that you attach around the sear belt and the guard is then secured with a medicine cap that screws down and is "child-proof." So instead of trying to unbuckle the seatbelt, Ethan decided to slither out of the belt and on the floor. 

Where there is a will there is a way! And boy, does that child have a will!

I keep reminding myself that Heavenly Father placed him here with our family for a purpose. He came to this earth for a purpose. It is our job to love and guide him and help him discover that purpose. Ethan is amazing. Ethan is so strong, both physically and mentally. Once he has decided upon a course of action or something he wants- that is generally the way it turns out. He is now the size almost the size of a 6 year old. He is so strong! And, boy does he have a sense of humor.

One of the funniest things occurred last night. When the male triage nurse brought him back to get his stats. He took Ethan's blood pressure. The cup squeezed his arm. Ethan didn't like it. So, he looked at the nurse, and Ethan told him that squeezing his arm isn't nice! I tried to explain To Ethan that the nurse didn't do it, the machine did it. I told Ethan that he should tell the machine that it's not nice to squeeze his arm, so he did. It was so funny the way he says it. He says, "It's not nite." That's how he says nice. He has problems with his speech, most especially his front loading syllables. So, in the triage room, he says it with all seriousness to the nurse and to me. The nurse was amused at his behavior. And, for a change, Ethan wasn't out of control by the time we got into the triage; he was rather charming. 

With all the winter illnesses this time of year, the waiting time was about 1 1/2 hours in the lobby. I amused Ethan by helping him play games on my iPhone. We played bubble wrap, bubbles, and Scoops. We played Scoops for what seemed like forever until my eyes hurt. I kept trying to encourage Ethan to play the game on his own, but he was much more happy with me playing it. The point of the game is to stack as many scoops of ice cream on top of each other as you can while avoiding the evil veggies- red tomatoes, red onions, and white onions. So in the waiting room, Ethan keep exclaiming in a rather loud voice, "Oh no, not the tomatoes!" Then he would cheer me on as I avoided the shower of veggies. It was cute. I was very grateful that it was just him and I instead of more kids in the mix. Whew!

Earlier yesterday at church, Peter had to remove Ethan from his Primary class. He just couldn't behave. He only made it about a little over an hour. I had just returned from picking Bekkah up from her weekend stay at Karen Blackmer's house in Lake Elsinore. I med her mom at the Travel America truck stop parking lot off the 10 freeway and Milliken. By the time I made it back up to the church, I picked up Peter and Ethan and brought them home. On the way home, Ethan fell asleep, something that he NEVER does unless he is medicated. That's when I first knew something was up. Earlier, Peter took Ethan to the bathroom, and Ethan had a bowel movement. Peter had a rough time trying to get him cleaned up so he had Ethan lean way over. That's when Ethan church tie took a dip in dirty water. Can you say GROSS? When I picked up Peter and drove him home from church, Peter had had quite enough of the trials and travails of Ethan and church! But, at least, I got to attend the last hour of church- Relief Society. It was really nice. I enjoyed it.

So, that's how my Sunday went. I finally returned home from Urgent Care at close to 10 PM. I fixed Ethan some Bagel Bites from our freezer. He was intent upon eating little pizzas. And, we had them in our freezer. I finally sought relief in my pillow and bed around 11:00 PM. 

Here's a picture a what I'd rather be doing. I finally had to resort to giving him Ethan a nap in a bottle. He decided to fall asleep in the chair.

A Good Day

I had a good day today which is a change from the last few weeks!
Not only did we get a lot of laundry and cleaning done around the house, but I had my first Pampered Chef party since December 12. I've been excited because my friend Judy Tran from church agreed to hold one. It was her first Pampered Chef party. I am happy. She had 6 friends and family members come. I like the more intimate settings so I can get to know the guests and they can really check out the products.
It's funny because I am SO not a sales person. My decision to sell Pampered Chef came as a result of my signing off with childcare. I had to stop in order to preserve my mental health. I needed to get out of the house. I DESPERATELY missed visiting with other people. I couldn't take all my charges out and about without significant stress. And, I had to do something I enjoyed.
When my friend Roberta approached me with the idea, I said, "Why not?" What can it hurt. There was an initial investment of $155 for the kit but then I have done pretty well. And, if it doesn't work out, I get to keep all my cool kitchen tools.
When I received my kit, it was rather humorous. You see, I had some repeats. I have a lot of Pampered Chef products I have accumulated over the years. I love their products. They have great quality products, and they do save time. The key to Pampered Chef and increasing your Pampered Chef tools is to hold parties. By holding a party, you earn free and reduced price products. That is the best way to stock your kitchen with their products. Pampered Chef products do cost more than if you were to purchase the same item at Target or Walmart. But, that is always the way of things. Quality products require an investment, but over time you will appreciate the investment.
So today at the party I demonstrated the Pampered Chef recipe for Warm Nutty Caramel Brownies. They turned out great. What can be better than brownies, melted chocolate and melted caramels. It's a win all the way around. It was the first time I had tried that recipe. But, I have found that all their recipes for demonstrations are pretty much fool proof, easy, and delicious.
I also had an inspiration right before I left my house. The whole theme of the show was Valentine's Day Tricks and Treats. Before hand I had made Mother Goose Popcorn and Oreo Truffles. Both of these recipes can be found over at Your Home Based Mom's website. She has such great recipes.  So, in additon to those other 3 ideas, I wanted to throw something else out there. I brought my Deep Covered Baker. You see in the Deep Covered Baker, you can make a cake in 8 minutes. Yes, believe it, it is not a typo. In 8 minutes, anyone can make a cake. It cooks in the microwave.
I wanted to deviate from our chocolate theme, so I brought a lemon cake mix. Then we got to talking about different products and then I pulled out my Ultimate Mandoline and demonstrated it on a lemon and a tomato. The results are impressive.
I had some lemon juice so I decided to throw the cake mix together and I added probably 2-3 Tbs. of lemon juice and then I demonstrated the Microplane Adjustable Grater. It is great for zesting an orange or lemon or finely shredding hard cheeses like Parmesan which taste absolutely AMAZING fresh. I haven't ever added those items to a cake mix before. It turned out delicious- and I ended up impressing myself at my little spark of inspiration; the lemon juice and zest really enhanced the lemon cake mix's flavor.
With the Deep Covered Baker, you prepare your cake mix according to the package directions and pour it into the baker. You don't have to grease the pan. Then on top of the batter,  you scoop frosting onto the top of the cake batter using the Pampered Chef Stainless Steel Scoop (I used vanilla frosting).  Most of time, when I start doing this, everyone gives me perplexed and confused looks until I explain that after the 8 minutes are up, the frosting magically appears at the bottom and acts as a yummy sauce. I'm not just tooting my own horn, that is not me. But it was so good served alone or with vanilla ice cream. The brownies were a big hit as well. My favorite by far was the lemon cake.
I was really happy with the party. I am starting to get some of the tips and tricks down. With each party, I am feeling more confident in my ability to present and sell Pampered Chef. I do love it. I like their products.  I LOVE cooking and sharing my knowledge of cooking with other people. And, if I can get paid to do this, I feel like I  come out the winner. I mean, I am loving the opportunity to get out and meet new people and visit with people.
So, that was my day today. It was wonderful. After the party, I came home and did dishes and more laundry and made Kraft mac and cheese while Peter took Bekkah, Steven, and Jonathon to Avatar. He wanted to reward the kids for their hard work at helping out around the house. They did a good job with laundry, dishes, sweeping and mopping the floor, vacuuming, and the cleaning of bathrooms. And, they needed a break from Ethan's crazy, manic behavior lately.
Yesterday, I took him in for his med check with our medication doctor, Dr. Gordon. It was UGLY- and that's an UNDERSTATEMENT! I had to partially sit on him to restrain him from running around the doctor's office. He spit on me, blew his nose on me, fought with me, and screamed the WHOLE time. I'm not kidding or exaggerating!
It's been so bad lately, that he's not functioning at church, home, or school. At home, it's been HELL. I've had to resort to using some extra drugs (legal, prescription drugs prescribed to him, just in case you are wondering or concerned) to help sedate him a bit. For a while it was working. It was helping to lessen his irrational, angry destructiveness. The past few weeks, I have lived like an alcoholic, one day at at time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time just to get through the day. The housework hasn't been much of a priority. I've fallen behind in a few things. But, I haven't killed him which is a HUGE accomplishment. And, we have survived in one piece. The last few weeks have pushed me to my limits, but I guess that is a part of the growth and development we learn here on earth in our process to one day become like our Savior. And, the 4 hours he's been gone at school I've either relaxed and decompressed which is a mental necessity or taken Aeron to do some errands. I HATE taking Ethan places. He makes doing errands an unbearable experience. He grabs everything and demands that I buy it. That's not going to happen, so we then suffer through an angry tantrum while people gawk and stare and judge.
Back to the main accomplishment, the doctor visit. The doctor's appointment was productive. I was very honest with the doctor. I always am, but he was shocked at Ethan's behavior. I didn't pull any punches. I told him sometimes I feel like beating the crap out of him, but I realize that would be for my benefit- of expressing my anger and frustration- not his. He agreed with me about that temptation with an oppositional and volatile child like him. I told the doctor we can't continue to live this way.
Right now Dr. Gordon is working under the premise that he has outgrown his medication. He turns 5 in 4 months and he's almost the size of a 6 year old. He's wearing clothes and shoes right now that Jonathon wore in Kindergarten. He's had a growth spurt, which can throw off the effectiveness of the medication. So, right now we are working on that assumption.
He is taking more pills everyday but, what else can we do? Otherwise with the old amount of medication, he acts like a monster (yelling, screaming, fighting). He's belligerent and so volatile. Everything sets him off. I'm afraid to tell him no. Believe me, I do say no. But every time, I am inwardly cringing to see what screaming fit or tantrum my "NO" will bring on. I live in fear, he might accidentally push his little brother Aeron who is 2, down the stairs in a fit of rage. He wouldn't do it on purpose, but he would do it without thinking about the consequences. That is just his brain. He's so impulsive and impetuous.
We should see results in a week on one of the medications and 2-3 weeks on the other medication. I am praying and crossing my fingers that this will work and help him resume his daily activities with the former zest and enthusiasm. I hope and pray his rage will wane.
So, I guess that is why I had such a great day. I got a lengthy break from my son. I got to get out, socialize,  make money and cook delicious food for other people who appreciate it. It's a nice break from the daily purgatory I've been suffering through.

If you are interested in finding more about Pampered Chef I have a website. Click the link and it'll take you right there: www.pamperedchef.biz/bonniesbusykitchen. I would be ecstatic if you would be willing to have a party or place an order. I want to make this work to help support my family. Either way, just let me know, I would appreciate your support.

Dining disgust

Tonight we went out to eat together as a family to celebrate Jonathon's 8th birthday early. We went to Spaghetti Factory.

What originally was a pleasant dining experience, quickly went awry. We ordered drinks first. I sat next to Ethan because I was going to help him have an enjoyable meal. All of a sudden, he laid his head in my lap and acted sleepy, which was odd because he hadn't had his medication yet. I rubbed his head and eventually he sat up. Next, we ordered our dinner. And then right after our server brought out our salads, soup and bread and I had prepared a piece of bread for Ethan, he threw up all over the table. Ugh!

I can deal with poop, I can deal with lots of different bodily secretions. But, I don't deal with vomit very well. The smell is particularly repulsive to me.

I just felt bad. Here in this nice restaurant, Ethan threw up. There was another couple nearby that witnessed his generous outpouring and they quickly evacuated the scene. It is so lovely to know that single-handedly the Gale family has managed to ruin someone's dinner this evening.

At first, I thought we might be able to ride it out. Ethan was totally fine after that initial episode. All the toxins or whatever was bothering his little stomach were gone!

However, as soon as Peter got back from the restroom, he informed us that we we had to leave. Ethan reeked of vomit. And, all the kids were also completely disgusted by his unwanted eruption. Their soup sat untouched on the table.

Thankfully, Aeron sat quietly observing all the to-do. After Peter left for the restroom, I flagged down a server and alerted them to the situation. I knew a few napkins weren't going to clean up the table effectively. However, I was surprised when the server alerted me that there are Haz Mat regulations that have to be observed when dealing with vomit. Oh my gosh! When a family has a big mound of vomit covering 1/4 of their table, the vomit needs to be removed ASAP!

So, in the interest of quickly removing the offensive expulsion, I offered to clean it up myself. As his parent, I do not need rubber gloves or a mask or a suit or whatever! They brought over a big role of paper towels and located a plastic bag. I quickly cleared it mess off the table and cleaned up the floor.

Then as soon as Peter returned to the table with Ethan, the server brought out our meal which we then had to notify him that we needed our meal to go. 10 minutes later they brought out our bag of food.

My complaint is this... Why do we have to pay so much for a meal that we didn't get to enjoy? I had to clean up the mess. We didn't even get ice cream to go which is our favorite part of the meal. All we had is our pastas.

I guess the biggest thing I am disappointed about is that our nice meal was ruined. I realize that Ethan isn't at fault. He didn't plan on it. It just is hard because we rarely go out to nice meals anymore and then the one time in a long time that we do, Ethan vomits.

I think it totally stinks, on several levels, that I had to clean up Ethan's mess. The servers were more than happy to allow me to do that nasty job. Haz Mat regulations be darned, when a job needs to be done, it needs to be done. Get the gloves and man up! When you are not willing to man up, at least give the poor person a break when they had to do the nasty job. It's not right that we had to pay almost $60 for a meal we weren't able to enjoy. Jonathon was utterly disappointed that we had to leave and he didn't get Happy Birthday sung to him.

Oh well. Time to put those big girl panties on and just deal with it. Life isn't fair.

Thus ends another week in the life of the Gale family. Hats off to you if you are still reading and haven't tossed your computer aside in disgust! Good job!

Parents of the year, here we come!

I do not mean this in a serious way. Actually it is a rather self-deprecating comment. During our 7 day adventure at Grampa's house there were a couple of mishaps. When Ethan decides to do something dangerous, it generally isn't in a small way, it's BIG!

So, as I was describing in the previous post about Black Bart Day, when I headed out with the big kids downtown, I left Peter, Aeron, Ethan and Grampa at home. Grampa was upstairs doing his thing. And, Peter had laid Aeron down for a nap and finally had coaxed Ethan into a RARE nap as well. When I left, my 3 family members were safe and sound and asleep. However, later when Peter came to join me downtown at the tail end of the festivities, he relayed Ethan's solo adventure.

Let me begin by saying that in no way do I hold Peter responsible. Things happen even with the most careful of parents. When Peter lays down with Ethan, he generally has Ethan in a close resemblance to a headlock. Not a tight one but a loose one, so that he can feel him wriggle and fidget. And, when Ethan wakes up, Peter can feel him wake up and get up as well. This time, Ethan must have wised up and been very slow with his movements.

One thing you have to understand about Ethan is that there is nothing quiet about Ethan. There is either loud or asleep. While he does understand the concept of quiet and loud, he does not understand how they apply to him and his voice modulation. As a result, at church during the sacramental portion he is loud, when the baby is napping and I whisper to him to be quiet, Ethan is loud and slams the doors. He is a whirling dervish.

Back to the story. Ethan quietly escaped from Peter's embrace and decided to go outside. I have a feeling he was looking for me. I don't know whether he wandered upstairs where my Grandpa was, but nonetheless, he got out of the house. Let me add that my Grandpa has an alarm system where when you open a door you hear a beep beep. My Grandpa can't hear it. And Peter wasn't conscious of it either being that he was asleep. So off Ethan went. I don't know how long he was wandering or what he was doing. What I do know is that a friend of mine, Darcie Busi, from my high school days found him wandering off the busy Sutter Creek-Ione Rd. Thank Heavens for her!

That road is about 2 1/2 blocks downhill from my Grandpa's house. I don't know how far up or down the road he was. I can't really get many answers from him. But, when Darcie found him she asked him what his name was. He replied, but she couldn't understand it. Then she asked him who his parents are. He responded, "Peter and Bonnie Gale." She immediately recognized the name and the police officer who was called was given directions to Grandpa's house. I am grateful for all the caring people involved. I am grateful for Ethan's safe return.

Peter didn't wake up until the police officer rang the downstairs doorbell. He was in a state of shock when he realized what had happened. The police officer described what had happened and then Peter explained that we had just arrived there that morning. That Ethan is autistic and rides the short bus and is in a special ed program. The officer was very understanding. Ethan was very remorseful. He repeatedly kept saying, "I'm sorry."

In fact, the funniest thing he said was later in the afternoon. He looked at me and with his little gestures he makes, said, "I'm not going to get gone again." I had to smile and I told him I'm glad. I told him I like him here in our family and that we love him very much and that he has to tell us when he wants to go somewhere.

I pray this is a lesson Ethan has learned. I don't know if or how long it will stick. I am grateful he wasn't harmed. We love Ethan so much. We also feel a great deal of frustration with him sometimes because he is so head-strong and determined. There are people who say, "Why can't you control your child?" They never had a child like Ethan or a child with disabilities. Sometimes we just have to work with them. That is my everyday task. My house is generally a mess, not a little cluttered, but a BIG mess. I hardly have to time organize and put away because Ethan requires constant supervision. Someday, the dirty handprints will be gone, he will be a more functional little person, and I will have a more orderly house. But, that day is certainly not now! The scripture says there is a time and season to everything. It's not my season to be the queen of clean and order right now.

A good day

Yesterday was a memorable day. It was my 35th birthday. It was a quiet day where I went about my usual routines. It's not like I can command the week to pause just for me, life waits for no man or woman. I had my normal childcare duties. The boys had scouts. Peter had his Cisco class.

The highlight of my day was my friend Karen coming up to visit and take me out to lunch. We went to Panera. It was nice. We laughed as Aeron and Madison stole food from each other and tried to steal drinks. We enjoyed the casual atmosphere and the delicious food. It was a wonderful treat for the middle of the day. The best present I got is that when I took a test picture of Aeron, he actually smiled for me and smiled for Karen when she took our photo. What a wonderful birthday present. Thank you Karen and Aeron. What a memorable lunch.

Then after scouts, the kids and I went and claimed our free chicken meal from KFC and went to Bass Pro Shops because I promised Ethan he could see the fish there. He is fascinated with the fish and could spend several hours yelling, pounding and staring at the fish.

His birthday is on Monday, the 11th. He saw the birthday cake I made and thought it was his. You know, when you're turning 4, it's all about you! I explained to him that we will celebrate his birthday next week.

We are planning a party just for him. It will be a simple affair at the park. We'll have hot dogs, chips, drinks, and cupcakes. The kids can run around at the park and play in the sand and then we'll go home. I'm looking forward to doing this for him because it is the first time he'll be able to understand that it is his birthday. He loves the birthday song and candles. I wonder how many times we'll have to relight the candles? He is very excited for this event. I am glad for him.

Ten on Tuesday

Pictures 1. Steven. 2. Aeron and my husband the Brigham Young wanna be - he's in a play at our stake and they asked him to grow a beard. 3. Bekkah. 4. Jonathon - the real wild one. 5. Classic Ethan - we had to take his picture when he got the potty seat stuck on his head. It's side splittingly funny!

Here's my Ten on Tuesday:

10. Ethan makes me laugh. He is obsessed with Batman. About six months ago, I bought him a pair of Batman Underoos and he only wants to wear the undershirt. Yesterday I had to wrestle the shirt off him so I could wash it. Then, he insisted on wearing the newly washed and slightly dry shirt to preschool. He wore Batman all day and then wore it to bed. Today he smeared ketchup on it. He doesn't like getting dirty. We took the shirt off and then he changed into his Superman pajama shirt and wore it to school. I don't fight with him anymore. If he wants to wear it, so be it. At least I can get him to wear a pair of jean shorts to school so he looks mostly presentable. I pick my battles with him.

9. My daughter, Rebekkah, is an angel. She is my right hand. She helps me tremendously with the younger kids and tasks around the house. I hope I am not doing her a disservice by relying on her too much. I need to tell her thank you more often. We do reward her too. Recently, we got her a cell phone. For Christmas she got an iPod. We don't want to spoil her but we do want to give her the things she wants within reason and she works hard.

8. Jonathon peed his pants twice today, once at school and the other after school while playing. That really ticks me off. He doesn't take the initiative to change his clothes. He stays in them until he is dry and smelly. Gross! How does an almost 8 year old boy do that? But of course he is a boy. Maybe boys are just like that.

7. I think Aeron has 5th disease. His cheeks are rosy. He had diarrhea and mild cold like symptoms today - runny nose and not feeling well. He also has a rash; some on the top of his shoulder, near his diaper area, on his ankle, and legs. It resembles a blister and is kind of blotchy. The frustrating thing is that there is nothing I can do about it. It can last from 1-3 weeks. It can be contagious. But if he has it, he has already passed the contagious period because he is contagious during the incubation period. Hopefully no one else in the family will get it. Thursday we have a doctor's appointment. We'll find out.

6. Steven just finished reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. I am proud of his reading prowess. When recently tested, he the results showed that he reads at a 12th grade level. Rebekkah, naturally being a huge fan of the Twilight series, convinced him to read the books. He has whizzed through them at lightning speeds. His teacher, Mrs. Rush, told him Monday that it has been 17 year since she had a student accumulate as many Accelerated Reader points as he has. Good job, my little book worm!

5. We had a Cub Scout Pack Meeting tonight. We are getting ready for the Pinewood Derby. Peter's calling at church is a Cub Scout Den Leader for the Bears. But, since he has this Cisco training class on Tuesdays, I am taking over his pack in the meantime. I enjoy it. I don't have to teach any of my boys. I like it better that way. I can be a better teacher to the Bears.

4. A couple weeks ago, I think I had walking pneumonia. That's when I had the 103.2 fever. I got antibiotics and cough syrup. The antibiotics have helped. I still have a slight fever and a chest cough. Thursday when I take Aeron in to the doctor, I am going to see him as well. I am going to ask for a chest xray. It may take a stronger antibiotic than what I was given. I hope I don't have it. I have been using an old inhaler recently to help with my chest tightness.

3. I love photography. I have been taking pictures here and there. I took this picture yesterday that I will post that I think is funny. It is of these weird cherry like looking orange spheres. If it is an edible fruit, it is one that I am not familiar with. I have thought of a funny title for the picture. I'm not going to spoil it by telling you what it is. That is what I think about in my spare time. Peter is happy that I'm so taken with photography. I take some pictures of the kids. Some are OK, but I like my photos of flowers best. They are pretty. Flowers make me happy. I walk around in my neighbor's yards and in the neighborhood, photographing flowers. I probably look like a nut. Oh well.

2. I miss jewelry making. It is hard to dedicate the space to it. Plus, with all of the helpful hands this house teems with, inevitably my project gets disturbed. Also, when I start a project, I develop tunnel vision; I just want to work on the project. I will leave my other responsibilities undone. I don't have the luxury to do that right now. I have too many little people that rely on me to meet their needs.

1. I haven't read a book since I was pregnant with Aeron except Understanding Exposure. It's a photography book. Oh, and I have read the last Stephenie Meyer book too. But, what I really enjoy is audio books. I have a monthly subscription to Audible. I love audio books! Right now I am listening to a book called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It is a young adult book, in the same genre as Orson Scott Card, science fiction. It is very good. It helps me get through the drudgery of my day to day chores. It also keeps my busy mind occupied.

Well, that's my ten. I've never done a Ten for Tuesday type blog entry before. I'm sure it is a little long winded. I think that should be my middle name: Bonnie windbag Gale. I like blogging. I should have included that as one of my ten.

Potty training is the pits!

We've been potty training since Thanksgiving 2008. It has not gone well. Usually, after his bath, Ethan gets himself dressed. Usually it is in underwear and whatever clothes he can scrounge from his dresser. Today, even though it was a beautifully warm Spring day, he dressed as if it were winter. He wore long track pants and a long sleeved shirt, and .... training pant type underwear. I encourage him to put on a pull-up. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't.

When Ethan has a bowel movement, he's sneaky about it. He will go into a corner, under the air hockey table, or under the kitchen table to do his business. Then he does the poopy pants shuffle. You know that special walk that clearly conveys he is carrying a present meant just for me. These are the moments I want to look around me say, "Who are these children, any why do they call me mommy?" (Thanks Anne Taintor, I love her art work! She's a comedic genius.)

Today, as Ethan waddled over, little nuggets escaped his pants. Yuck! He pointed to them and said, "Look, I pooped!" Disgusted, I told him to go to the bathroom where I would clean him up. What made me fustrated is that the house cleaner had just come and cleaned our dirty, cluttered house, including the floors. And, now little #2's were migrating from his underwear to the clean floor. Calgon, take me away!

We have a chant we practice with Ethan when we're toileting. We chant, "Where do we poop? We poop in the potty." And, "Where do we pee? We pee-pee in the potty." Did you know there are songs about toileting habits. Kimya Dawson sings "Pee-pee in the Potty" and my children's all time favorite "Alphabutt". I have purchased these songs from iTunes and we listen to them occasionally in the hopes of brainwashing Ethan into compliance. So far, these attempts have failed and simply serve to promote loud, raucous laughter.

We keep potty training, though. Ethan pretty much has gone back to wearing pull-ups almost full-time. What I find particularly onerous about this whole situation is that at school, Ethan will stay dry and mess free most of the time! There has been a time or two where he has had a bowel movement at school. It always comes as a complete surprise to them. I get a note home about it in his daily communication book. I'm surprised it hasn't happened more. But, maybe he saves it all for me. I am that special person. I'm the lucky individual he calls Mommy.

I am grateful for him. I love him desperately. Don't get me wrong! I just have never had such a difficult time potty training any of my other 3 children. The normal bribes haven't worked. For example, Steven had difficulty going poop. I promised him if he could poop in the potty, I would take him to Chuck E. Cheese as a reward. So, he finally decided to poop in the potty on a Sunday afternoon. We dutifully carted him over to Up Chuck's and that cemented it for him. That was his turning point. After that, except on rare occasions, he pooped in the toilet. I have tried to bribe Ethan with a special trip like that. I have bought candy bars. I have bought a special M&M dispenser that he could use when he made his special deposit. None of these have worked!

I am hoping that perhaps it is a maturity issue. I have been told this could be the case. It would be a relief if that is truly the case. Some people have said that these special kids need privacy. We've given him privacy. He goes in the bathroom, locks the door and makes a mess of the toilet paper or plays in that magical holder of water. One time, I even prevented him from drinking that water! Another time, he flushed his underwear down the toilet. A behaviorist I talked with suggested having him help me wash out his dirty underwear in the toilet. (This would be a natural, logical consequence of his behavior. It didn't work. You could say she was full of xxxx! He would watch me flush the toilet while holding on to the soiled underwear and his hand and we'd swish it around the bowl in hopes of dislodging his unwelcome deposit. I think he thought of it as a kind of game. I really don't know.

So, this whole blog entry is one long rant dedicated to the beauty of bowel movements. We have failed thus far in our attempts at civilizing our little hellion. But, we march on! Someday, Ethan will master this most important hygiene habit. That is my hope.

Has anyone seen a pair of 4T Lightning McQueen boys underwear? I think the toilet ate them!

I had a pretty rough night last night. It really isn't anything new. Peter didn't get home until 3 am from the high school where he was trying to fix the computers. Jon spent a restless night in our bed next to the ever present Ethan. Then it was up by 6 am to start the day again.

Feeling sorry for yourself never works! You only come to realize that yes, the day can get worse.  Case in point, my day today.

Jonathon spent the day at home today. He had an upset stomach last night where his stomach contents took flight in my bedroom all over the carpet as he ran to my bathroom. At least that is the quick way of getting rid of a stomach ache. I just wish he had done it in the toilet, in the bathroom.

Jon's been home all day. We've done some homework. He's watched a movie. We gave up cable so there's no live television, just movies. He's bored. Jon has been trying unsuccessfully to get the Wii to work. No dice! It's as temperamental as a premenstrual girl. And yes, I am allowed to say that because I have one- a premenstrual girl that is. 

Things have been going fairly well today considering. Ethan got off to school. He wasn't falling asleep excessively during school (he's on new meds).  The babies got off to sleep; when both nap at the same time, I get some downtime to get chores done or catch a quick nap . My friend Jane Bradshaw stopped by for a visit. That's been the highlight of the day.

At 1:45 Ethan arrived home on the bus as usual. He saw his scooter as soon as he got off the bus and I let him play for a few minutes. Bella followed us out, too and then she decided to make a dooky on the neighbor's lawn. Ethan made a big deal out of it. Oooh gross! You know the drill. 

I ran inside to get a plastic bag. That's one thing those recyclable bags are great for- doggy doo! While I ran inside for the plastic bag, Ethan decided he needed to relieve himself IN THE NEIGHBOR'S BUSHES!!! This particular neighbor is not at all fond of me. While we were playing outside yesterday, she almost ran over Aeron, as he ran into the street while I was retrieving a ball we had been playing with. Accidents happen! Thankfully that accident was prevented. I apologized and felt bad. You can't please everybody all the time. I am a good mother, I promise.

Seeing Bella relieve herself on the neighbor's lawn must have helped motivate Ethan. So, no sooner had I helped Ethan adjust his pants and pick up Bella's dooky, Ethan went over into the other next door neighbor's rose bushes and pooped his pants. That's all fine and dandy. We play this little game everyday. 

Sometimes twice a day, Ethan poops his pants and I clean him up. I keep cleaning up after him with the hope that going #2 in the toilet will eventually click for him. Not yet. Maybe someday! I have consulted a behaviorist ( a specialist who works with kids to improve certain/any/all behaviors which may be of concern). She spoke at Ethan's school about shaping behavior. She says to keep trying.

I cleaned up Ethan. Took care of the underwear and it's contents. And we left the bathroom. I told Ethan, "Come on, let's go get your underwear." He didn't want to go. Instead, he wanted to be "helpful" and clean his underwear out, even though I had already done it. So, while I hunted for a clean pair of underwear, Ethan returned to the bathroom and flushed his underwear down the toilet!

Ethan has flushed other items down the toilet before, once it was a baby shrek doll (one of those vile triplet babies from Shrek 3). Peter had to remove the toilet from it's base to dislodge that particular item. But Ethan's never flushed an article of clothing before! I pray that it won't get caught. We can't afford a visit from Mike Diamond, the "smell good" plumber!! I don't care what the plumber smells like or if he has plumber's cleavage (plumber's cleavage means that you can see his butt crack, there's a commercial about it for those of you who don't live in So. Cal). We can't afford it. Please pray for our pipes. I truly hope that his underwear will not get lodged in the sewer lines somewhere!

So, now you know how my day is going. Am I allowed to say crappy? I really would like to use the other four letter word, but I will refrain! 

Someday, I will look back on this time of my life and smile. I will smile in relief because it will be over. I will be able to look back on parts of my life as funny. If I wasn't me, I might find this little rant amusing. But, I'm me, and I'm trying to live through it. 

I can imagine Peter's glee as he reads the text I sent him telling him how Ethan flushed his underpants down the toilet. Ethan kept going back into the bathroom. He thought the underwear would suddenly reappear back in the toilet. Nope! That's a one way trip with no return ticket! I'm beginning to see a little humor in the situation.

Note: I apologize if I have offended anyone by writing too graphically or speaking too frankly. I have a bizarre sense of humor which only gets more bizarre when I don't have very much sleep. The pictures above of the elephant is real. There really is an elephant toilet; it is located in Thailand. If you want to find it, click here and it will take you to the website. The first image is just a clever photoshop job someone did. My goal was to find some funny images to accompany my awfully funny story!