I think I've lost my mind. Have you seen it?

I feel like I am losing my mind. Ethan is having one of his days.

We are short on funds and in desperate need of pull-ups and can't go to the store until Monday. He refuses to have a bowel movement in the toilet and he needs to. I could see it. He kept grabbing at his rear end and saying, "I need a diaper change." So I whisked him right hoff to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet only to have him scream and refuse. I don't know what's going through his head. So, right now it's on and off with the diaper. I just don't have $30 for a case of pull-ups. I've been trying to get him to stretch out the diaper buying to just once a month!

Madison is screaming. She is unconsolable. She is tired, won't take a bottle, she wanders around the house getting into all my cupboards or goes into the bathroom and plays with our toilet paper. But, thank heavens her diaper is clean!

Aeron is feeling rather violent today. He is in a hitting mood. He has been tackling and pummeling Ethan, which sets him off. I'm trying to give him gentle touches to change his habits. But it is hard. He alternates between giving me kisses and slapping me. Do we already have a love/hate relationship? I hope not!

Last night I did get a break for a couple hours. I went to this party at my friend Elizabeth's house. It is a Cabi party. It's like a clothing trunk show. It featured beautiful clothes much pricier than I could afford. When a t-shirt is $54 it is way out of my price range. Cabi clothing was gorgeous. But it isn't practical for me at this time of my life. A lot of it was business/dressy attire. Who am I going to wear expensive clothing for? Certainly not my little people, who regularly anoint me with all sorts of bodily fluids.

I've rambled again. My point was that I did get a break last night and it just doesn't seem enough. I feel like I could use a whole day. But that's not going to happen in my universe.

Everyday I'm still so tired. I drag myself out of bed and get ready for the day.

Oh, and the past 2 days, I have helped my son and his 2 classmates bake 260 bite size cookies and made a popsicle stick bridge. I'm SO done with school right now. All these big projects are just more requirements of my time.

Tuesday I had 11 children including my own at my house. I had the 2 children I watch and mine, and my neighbor's 2 kids and Steven's 2 classmates. It was barely controlled chaos.

What I would truly enjoy is a quiet day at the spa. But, that takes money and I don't see much extra in the coming weeks. Oh well. I think these struggles build character. My character must be well built by now. Either that or I keep tearing it down in my sleep!